The Wizard of Oz: Kingdom Hearts Style!
by Nami-Sees-Something-Shiny
Summary: Will the Kingdom Hearts gang be able to pull the play off with : the toughest critics, sword wielding maniacs, Heartless all over the place and an insane director without getting killed in the process? Read and review!
1. Act 1: Backstage

**The Wizard Oz: Kingdom Hearts Style!**

_Okay this is how it's going to work, it's gonna be a play, so everyone is actors._

_Kairi: Dorothy_

_Sora: Scarecrow_

_Riku: Tin Man_

_Tidus: Cowardly Lion_

_Cloud: Wizard of Oz_

_Some random dog: Toto_

_Ansem: Wicked witch of the West (Yes I'm putting him in a dress)_

_Aeris: Glenda the good witch of the North_

_Sephiroth: The wicked witch of the East_

_Director: Yours truly _

Act 1: Back stage

"Alright everyone get into your costumes we're going on in 10 minutes! Got that? _10 minutes!_" the director shouted, all director like.

"Alright, we got it already!" the cast shouted displeased with the rush.

Kairi was already suited up, but was having difficulty locating her dog. Sora hopped over with only his hay stuffed pants on scratching his legs roughly.

"What's wrong Kairi? God this costume is itchy!"

"Oh, Sora! I can't Mr. Fluffeluffels! Have you seen him?If we don't find him soon, the director will kill us!" she squealed worriedly tossing the bottom of her blue dress around in distress. Their conversation was interrupted by the crashing and banging (and random explosion) that was coming from Ansem's dressing room. Everyone gathered around the door, Sora and Kairi too with their ears pressed against it.

"Dammit, Ansem! Just come out already! You have to wear the costume!"

"NO! I've never been so humiliated in my whole life! Even thinking of myself in this ridiculous outfit makes my skin crawl!"

"You're going to wear that thing whether it 'humiliates' you or not! Now come outside!"

"NO!"

(Loud crashing and banging and another loud explosion. Then silence...)

The dressing room door opened and everyone backed away from the director who was dragging (an unconscious) Ansem by the skirt of the black dress he was wearing. Everyone tried their hardest to stop the laughter in their guts to burst through their mouths.

"Hey guys, what was all the crashing and banging (and 2 explosions)?" Riku asked, just now walking out of his dressing room in a tin suit. But all his questions were answered when the director dragged Ansem past him.

"..."

"Do I really want to know the whole story?" Riku asked.

"Nope."

"Alright then."

"Places everyone!" the director shouted, standing Ansem right side upand waking him up by pouring water in his blouse. Sephiroth took his place beneath the paper mache house and revealing red and white stockings and black boots. Everyone giggled.

"Shut up, all of you..." he growled.

"SHUT UP AND GET READY!" the director shouted

Kairi took her spot beneath the spot light and began saying her lines...perfectly.


	2. Act 2: READY! FIGHT!

ACT 2READY...FIGHT!

"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Todo" Kairi spoke at the moment as Dorothy. The lights dimmed and the curtains fell, followed by the roar of applause.

"We did it! We did it! They loved the act! Great job Kairi! And all the rest of you geeks!" the director squealed, jumping for joy. Sora and Riku came up to Kairi and shook her hands smiling.

"Great job Kai...I mean Dorothy!"

"You spoke your lines like poetry..." Sephiroth interrupted congratulating her lazily. Kairi giggled and thanked them

"Hey guys! Let's go celebrate and get something to eat at MacDonald's! My treat!" The director smiled as the entire backstage cheered.

"Alright, but..." she paused.

"What is it director?" Riku asked.

"Cloud, you've got a mini van, could I drive it?" she asked a man standing next to Sephiroth dressed in a green tux.

"Wait...uh...I don't think..."

"It's settled then! Come my mindless drones! To the Mighty Oz's mini van!"the director commanded as everyone on stage and backstage rushed outside to the vehicle. Cloud slapped his forehead knowing it was useless to try and stop her.

"I don't get it, Cloud, what's the big deal?" Sephiroth asked.

"Don't you get it! SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DRIVE! She's going to murder my car!"

"Oh, I see your point..."

"And the car is new..."

(Tires screeching across the parking lot)

Cloud and Sephiroth rushed outside to see the director pushing 97 mphacross the street to the MacDonald's that they could have easily walked to. As for the status of everything:

Car-completely destroyed

Passengers-Waltzing into MacDonald's happy as lambs

Cloud-Passed out as soon as he saw them leave the parking lot

Sephiroth-Laughing his ass off.

Yes everything worked quite well, don't you agree?

After that whole mess, Cloud regained consciousnessand began weeping on Aeris' lap. Sephiroth was still laughing. A day passed and their next performance was approaching, Riku, Sora, and Kairi were sitting at the snack table munching and grazing on food, yammering away about who knows what.

"So, you guys wanna see the new Star Wars movie? I'm gonna dress up as Darth Vader!" Riku said.

"Hell yes! I've been dying to see that! I'll dress as Yoda!"

"And I'll be Padme!"

"Yeah! That'll be totally awe-" (director chucks the script at Sora's head)

"Oh, hiya miss director!" Kairi greeted.

"You're steaming...literally!"

(Steam comes out of director's ears)

"That stupid lil' ingrate! If I ever see him again I rip out his dirty blonde hair and pour salt on his head!" (Ouchie) she growled stomping around yelling at herself.

"What's wrong?" Aeris asked.

"That idiot, Tidus just quit being the lion! And now we're short a part!"

"What!" everyone yelled.

Sephiroth walked in and heard the commotion.

"Well, I can't really blame the runt...That costume was god awful." he smirked.

"Sephiroth! Watch what you say! You remember what she did to me, remember?" Ansem warned him, a little too late, because Sephiroth was already into it.

"What. Like a little pip-squeak who calls herself a 'director' can take on the SOLDIER commander?" he said smoothly leaning against the snack table.

(The director leaps at Sephiroth and begins beating the crap out of him)

"I warned him..." Ansem said as the table flipped over.

"For that little comment, you'll be the lion, Sephy." the director growled

"..."


	3. Act 3: Flashback

ACT 3: Flashback

_This chapter is going to be about how everyone got their parts._

The whole cast was at Starbucks sipping on mocha late's (with exception to Sora because we all know what happens when he gets hyper) talking about their parts and how and when to practice them.

"Hey, guys, do you remember when we first got our parts?" Sora asked.

"How could I forget? The director saved my life from Ansem and got my heart back..." Riku said.

"Wow! How'd she do that?"

He could remember it like it happened 2 years ago...Wait...It DID happen to years ago! Anyway, Riku was up against Ansem, weak from the fight. Ansem sent the final blow, when out of the shadows came...The Director! She deflected to blow with her mighty filming camera and the took the film a chucked it at Ansem's head! He went flying and the director picked Riku up, threw him over her shoulder and ran off. And later she retrieved his heart but accidently put it in his head, so now Riku is like a shrimp!

(Back to reality...)

"And that's what happened..." Riku said softly, taking a sip of his Frappacino_ (sp?)_

"..." everyone stared blankly at him.

"Well, I remember how I got my par-"

"Kairi, how'd you get your part?" Riku cut in.

"Well, it's kind of a funny story..."

It was 2 years ago as well, Kairi had gone to an amusement park in a blue dressshe was about to board a ride, when the director started filming her.

"_Um...excuse me, what are you doing?"_

The director lowered her camera

"_Oh, sorry, you looked so pretty! I thought 'I want to see her in a play!' Would you like to be?"_

"_Uh..."_

"_Please! You'll be perfect for the part I have in mind!"_

"_Well, alright."_

(Back into reality)

"And that's what happened."

"Cool, but wanna know how I got my part?"

"Cloud, what about you?"

They all turned to him as he started scraping his nails on a random chalk board,

"You wanna know how I got the part?" he said in a fake raspy voice.

"I can tell ye, if yer willin' ta pay..."

(Sephiroth whacks Cloud on the back of the head)

"Ow! Okay okay!"

It happened a year and a half ago...Cloud was battling Sephiroth in the Olympus coliseumboth equally matched.

"_I'll never forgive you Sephiroth..."_

"_Cloud, it's been 9 years, shouldn't you let it go?"_

"_NO!"_

Cloud charged at Sephiroth with his Murasame. Sephiroth easily blocked the attack.

"_Those were MY baseball cards! You had no right to trade them to others! I worked for 3 years to get those cards! They're not replaceable!"_

"_Alright, alright! Listen ladies! I need you guys to take some lines off my hands and be in my play!"_

The director calmly walked into the arena and in between the 2 fighting ninies.

"_Cloud, I have something for you..." _The director tossed an old box at Cloud. He slowly opened it and gasped.

"_My baseball cards!"_

"_Yup"_

"_So...you were the one I traded them to!"_ Sephiroth gasped.

"_Now will you be in my play?"_

Cloud hugged his cards dearly.

"_Yes!"_

Sephiroth nodded as well.

(Back to reality)

"And that's our story."

"Okay! My turn!"

"Hey, Kairi, let's hear yours again!"

"HEY! I'm sick of this! I wanna tell me story!"

"Okay okay! How'd you get your part?"

Sora cleared his throat.

"I auditioned."


	4. Act 4: The Beginnging of the End

ACT 4: The Beginning of the End

(In front of Sephy's dressing room.)

"Ugh, I can't believe that little twerp is making me be the lion, ME!"

Vision of the director with a really creepy face.

Sephiroth shivered at the thought as he put on the uncomfortable costume.

"Okay guys! This is it, our first real professional performance! All you have to do, is say your lines perfectly, impress the audience and some of the world's toughest critics! So, no pressure! Mmmmkay?" the director said cheerfully.

"Yeah, that makes us feel so much more comfortable..." Riku grumbled. Sephiroth's door opened and out stepped a 6ft. tall dark blonde "lion" with Sephiroth's face painted with whiskers and a black nose. Everyone laughed histerically

"I must say Sephy, you look much more...masculine in that outfit." the director smirked.

"If you weren't a girl I would so..." he paused and growled angrily.

"I dunno, Sephy, I think you look really cute!" Aeris said.

"Shut up! I killed you in Final Fantasy!"

"What?"

"Uh...nothing."

"Alright everyone! It's almost curtain time! To your stations!"

Everyone rushed around the stage getting to their right spots and getting into the right pose. Riku, Kairi, Sora, and the incredibly tall Sephiroth linked arms on the stage over the Yellow Brick Road.

"Everyone remember your lines?"

"Yeah."

"Yup."

"Whatever."

"Okay, don't mess up."

(Intercom)

"_Ladies and gentlemen of the audience, please put your hands together for the Wizard of Oz performance!"_

(Loud applause)

"Okay...This is it...The beginning of the end..."


	5. Act 5: Dude, Where's My Ruby Slipper?

ACT 5: Dude, Where's My Ruby Slipper?

(Ansem flies out of nowhere as the Wicked Witch of the West)

"I'll be taking back those ruby slippers my pretty..." he/she said reaching down to Kairi's humongous feet. As soon as he/she got near them, a spark struck his green painted fingers as he drew away.

"Curses! Curses! They're guarded with white magic! This was your doing, wasn't it Glenda!" he/she turned to Aeris in a fluffy pink gown.

"These ruby slippers are not to be removed from Dorothy's feet..." she said softly smiling. "Dorothy, while you are wearing those slippers, the witch will not be able to harm you."

"You may be protected for now, but I'll get you my pretty! And your little dog too! Nyahahaha!"

(Ansem vanishes in a POOF of smoke)

(Intercom)

"_That completes act one of our show. The actors will now be taking a 15 minute intermission!"_

(Backstage)

"Awright! The first act went swell! Keep it up!" the director cheered. One of the critics, that were judging the performance, came back stage and called the director over.

"Oh, be back in a sec..." she rushed over.

Kairi got ready for the next act, along with Riku, Sora, and the very peeved Sephiroth.

"Uh-oh..."

"What is it, Kairi?"

"This isn't good..."

"What?"

"I..."

"Yes?"

"I..."

"WHAT IS IT!"

"I CAN'T FIND THE RUBY SLIPPER!"

"WHAT!" the director rushed over to Kairi.

"Uh-oh, this isn't good" the others thought. "The director is going to maim Kairi!"

"Y-yes...?"

"YOU LOST THE SLIPPER!"

"Y-yes...miss...director...I'm sorry..."

(Director steams up)

"YAAAAAAAAARGH!" the director turned around and nailed Sora right in the chin.

(Sora goes flying through the roof)

"SORA!" sweat drop

"W-why didn't you hit me...?"

"Sigh...I feel better now. Hm? Oh! I don't hit girls." she smiled.

SUDDENLY a Heartless comes out of the floor with the ruby slipper in its claws.

"The slipper!" Kairi squealed.

"GET THAT DAMN HEARTLESS!" the director yelled.

Riku leaped to catch it, but it slipped away. Sora (who had manage to come back from Mexico in time to get what was going on) grabbed a costume and covered the Heartless with it.

"Hurry! Someone get it!"

"Right..." Sephiroth smirked as he drew his HUGE I mean 17 ft. long sword, the Masamune and ran the Heartless through while destroying half of the backstage.

"Objective complete." he smirked.

(Director takes out a paper harrison) "Oh, Sephy..."

"Yeeeees?"

(WHACK)

"Objective complete." the director grimaced.

"Okay, Ms. Director! We got the slipper back!" Kairi said waving the red shoe in the air.

"Okay, let's start the second act then!"


	6. Act 6: The Portrait of Fury

ACT 6: The Portrait of Fury

(Lion Sephiroth hops out from behind card board cut out bushes.)

"RAAAAWR! This is my forest! Get out of here!" he yelled as he started chasing Todo around. Kairi/Dorothy grabbed his arm and whacked him on the head.

"Ouchies! Why'd you hit me?"

"How dare you pick on a poor defenseless dog! You shouldn't pick on things that are smaller than you!"

Sephiroth started to fake cry. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean that you have to go and hit me like that!"

"W-well, I'm sorry, but you should be a little nicer to things that aren't as big as you!"

"Yeah! You coulda hurt Dorothy and then you woulda been really hurting!" Sora/ Scarecrow yelled going into a crappy boxing stance.

"What's your name?" Riku/the Tin Man asked.

"I'm the King of this Forest! The King Lion!"

"More like the Cowardly Lion"

(Sephiroth starts crying again)

"If only I had a little courage! Everyone wouldn't pick on me so much!"

"Why don't you come with us to see the Wizard of Oz then? We're all going to ask him for a favor." Kairi/Dorothy suggested.

"I'm going to find a way home!"

"I'm going to get a brain!" Sora said.

"Yeah you need one kid..." Sephiroth grumbled.

"And I'M (steps on Sephiroth's foot) going to get a heart!"

"Ow! Why you little... I mean, do you mean that I could ask for the nerve to stand up for myself?"

"Yeah!"

"Alright then! I'll come with you"

(The group links arms and starts singing that we're off to see the wizard song.)

The curtain fell and once again the crowd applauded wildly.

(Intercom)

"_That's all for tonight ladies and gentlemen, please be sure to attend the continuation of the play tomorrow at 7:30 pm.! Have a wonderful evening!"_

"Yeah! We did it again! Great job guys! Now go and get rested up for tomorrow!"

The director cheered.

(The next day)

"Hey everyone! I have some important news!" The director shouted.

"What is it Ms .Director?" Cloud asked.

"The play has been postponed until tomorrow due to a job I have been given."

"Really? What job?"

"I have to paint your portraits for advertisements!"

"Oh wow! Really?"

"Yup. I'm gonna have to do it while you guys are in costume though, so get suited up."

Everyone ran to their rooms and got into their right costumes and waited infront of the director's room to get their picture painted.

"Okay, we're going in alphabetical order so first up is Aeris!" the director shouted. (Aeris runs into the room as the door slams shut)

Everyone waited for a half an hour until Aeris finally came out. They all went up to see the painting and were stunned.

"I-it's amazing! Wow! I never knew you were so talented!" Kairi said amazed.

"Yeah! That's awesome!"

"Thank you, up next is Cloud!" the director called. Cloud ran in and after another half hour he came out and everyone was once again amazed. And after several half hours, it finally came to Sephiroth. He calmly walked into the room and the door shut.

"Okay, Sephy sit over in that chair and don't move." the director instructed.

She began to paint and was interrupted.

"Excuse me, but will these pictures be going on TV? Because I fear you maybe _too_ good..."

"Do you want me to give you a mustache?" the director said impatiently. Sephiroth shuddered at the thought. "Please, no."

"Then keep quiet."

"Yes ma'am..."

After about 26 minutes, the director announced that she was finshed and showed Sephiroth. And his one comment ensured his doom.

"You made me too tall..."

"What...?"

"You made me too tall in the picture."

"THAT'S IT! I'M GIVING YOU A MUSTACHE!"

"NO! AAAAH!"

(2 days later on TV a random family sits and watches the commercial.)

"Hey mommy, didn't know that the lion had a black curly mustache!"


	7. Act 7: Something Wicked This Way Comes

ACT 7: Something Wicked This Way Comes...

_Hi, I'm really sorry for not updating in a while, it's just that I've been having writer's block and then we went to Hawaii and then I had a cold and ...ARGH! Well, I'll try to make it up to you with this chapter ._

It was a bright and sunny day over at the studio, birds were chirping the water was running, and the toilets weren't backed up. Yes, a fine day it was, until...

(Entrance door blows up and the Director steps through the burning ash and smoke)

"Uh...uh...hello Director!" Sora yelped as he backed away slowly.

"Good morning Sora! How are you? Lovely day isn't it?"

"..." Sora's face was utterly empty of all emotion at her response.

"Are-are you feeling alright Ms. Director?" Riku said cautiously and a little worried.

The Director turned her head toward him and he flinched a bit.

"I'm just fine Riku, thank you for worrying about me. It makes me feel so happy!" the Director smiled and it was surprisingly gentle and calm. As a matter of fact, Riku blushed.

_Something is not right...something wicked this way comes..._ Riku thought as he turned even more pale than he was naturally.

The Director walked past the cast greeting all of them individually, she even greeted Sephiroth with "Thank you for being so cooperative today!" and she walked into her room.

"Okay...I've seen some strange things in my time, I've even chopped of my own mother's head...but _that _was in the range of bed wetting to near death experience..." Sephiroth whispered tentatively to the others.

"I...agree..." Aeris said slowly.

They all turned to Riku and Sora who looked just as stunned as the rest of them.

"D-don't look at us! She just barged in and was PLEASANT!"

(Director walks out of her room and heads to the wreckage that was once the front door)

"Sephiroth, may I please borrow your Stang? (Mustang)" She asked eerily polite.

Sephiroth nodded slowly, his mouth agape and handed her the keys. The Director gently took the keys from his shaking hands.

"Thank you, dear. I'll be back in a few minutes."

(Director walks outside and fires up the engine of the Mustang and drives off)

Sephiroth turned white. Cloud and Ansem walked into the room and saw everyone's stunned faces.

"What happened?"

"Did the Director kill someone again?" Ansem said nonchalantly.

Sephiroth fell over unconscious by Cloud's feet.

"Ooh...Tell me the story..." Cloud said, pleased.

_That's it for today folks! Yes it is truly disturbing isn't it? The mystery will be explained in_ _Act 8!_


	8. Act 8: What Have I Produced?

ACT 8: What Have I Produced?

_Okay, we left off with the cast telling Cloud and Ansem the horror story..._

(Cloud's mouth drops through the floor)

"Is she sick...?" Ansem asked.

"W-we don't know...but, if she comes back, she could bring the demons of hell itself back with her! She may even hug someone!" Kairi grimaced.

"We'll all probably burst into flame like the door in Act 8: Something Wicked This Way Comes!" Sora burst out.

"You actually pay attention to the chapters titles?" Riku said raising an eyebrow.

"Well, anyway back to the real problem, what are we going to do about the..."

(A space next to the door blows up and out of the ash comes 3 figures)

"...D-D-DIRECTOR!"

"Hi everyone!" she said cheerfully as 2 other girls about her age stood one on each side.

"Who are they?" Ansem asked cautiously.

"Hmm...? Oh! These are my pals, on my right is The Producer! And to my left is The Editor! I haven't seen them in a while and they needed to check out how the play was coming out." The Director explained.

"Pleasure to meet you all." The Editor said, sounding giddy.

"Yeah! We've been dying to see the play in action, but we've been busy fighting chimeras on planet X." The Producer said in a soft tone

"..." The whole cast didn't say a word, instead they were all huddled together as tight as penguins.

The director smiled. "I've been so excited about them coming that I just couldn't help but smile all the time!"

_Oh, so the reason she's been pleasant was because her buddies were coming. A tranquilizer...I'll have to keep that in mind. _Sephiroth thought.

"How long are they going to stay?" Sephiroth said from the middle of the huddled group.

(Director looks at her watch)

"5...4...3...2...1."

"OkayeverythinglooksgreatseeyalaterBYE!" Both the Producer and Editor said their last sentence as one word and rushed out the hole in the wall.

(Sephiroth slaps his forehead)

"Okay, now. When's our next play going to start? I got so caught up with them that I lost track of our schedule."

"In 2 days." Aeris announced.

"..." The Director stood there with a blank smile on her face.

(30 seconds of silence rolled by)

"Uh, Director...I..." Sora spoke finally.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

(The Director takes out a golden harrisen and whacks Sora acroos the backstage and out the brick wall on the opposite side)

"GASP!" Kairi shrieked.

"WHAT'RE YOU LOOKING AT ME FOR? GET MOVING YOU TURKEYS!" The Director yelled at the top of her voice.

_Oi...well it would seem that everything is back to normal -sigh- _Riku thought to himself as he was hanging bi the collar of his shirt on the cieling.


	9. Act 9: Interview With the Cast

ACT 9: Interview With the Cast

_This act is going to have all the cast including the Director and Producer etc. interviewed. Enjoy!_

(Director walks into a room with cameras and lights poking her in the eyes with a bunch of interviewers.)

"Okay, so Ms...Director was it?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, so Ms. Director, since you are the director of _The Wizard of Oz _stage show, would you be kind enough to tell me how you came upon the sudden idea of how to create such a magnificent play that became so popular so quick?" The interviewer asked.

"Uh, well," the Director said pulling a microphone out of her mouth, "you see I usually get my best ideas while I'm asleep, and this one struck me in the middle of the night, so before I forgot it, I rode my bike to my friend, The Producer's house..."

(Switches to The Producer's interview)

"That little psycho woke me up at 3:00 a.m. to tell me about a dream she had about a play she wanted to make!"

(Switches back to The Director)

"And that's when she started choking me screaming 'Devil's spawn! Go back to the abyss and let me sleep!'"

(Switches again to the Producer)

"Then she called The Editor and said 'We need your editing criticism!'"

(To the Editor!)

"So I rushed over, because who would give up the chance to harshly criticize your friend's life-long dream?"

(Suddenly all 3 of them are in the same room)

The interviewer and his crew were starting to become a little more than scared.

"When she came over, I stole The Producer's Gummi Ship and went out to search for the master work _The Wizard of Oz's cast!_" The Director shouted proudly.

The Producer announced in fury "So that was _you!_ You're the one who stole my new Gummi Ship and left it on my driveway in ruins!"

"Even I knew that numb-skull..." said The Editor mockingly.

(The Producer breaks down into tears)

"Anyway..." the Director said not caring about The Producer, "My cast was absolutely perfect! I mean who could pass up the SOLDIER commander in a lion suit? Or the Master of Darkness in a dress? It couldn't be more perfect!"

(All 3 of them lower their heads as a long katana (Sephiroth's Masamune) swiped over them just barely missing their hair)

"Aw, yes, how could I forget Ansem and Sephiroth? They practically leveled my home when The Director dragged them over with Cloud, Kairi and Riku..." The Producer sighed, aggravated by the memories of her chief suppliers of trouble.

"Ah, yes Riku...He's my favorite!" . The Director said sounding slightly flirty.

"The Director has had a secret crush on Riku ever since she punched him in the face for him calling her tiny..." The Editor whispered to the interviewer who was slightly hunched back in his seat with widened eyes.

"R-right...well, we'll stop for today..."

The Editor looked at her pocket watch, while the Producer checked her wrist watch and the Director checked her sundial that was hanging from her shiny gold jeans.

"Stupid, thing isn't working again..." The Director said shaking the dial because it was completely over shadowed.

"There's no sunlight..." The interviewer pointed out, "It would never work inside unless there was a window."

(Director whacks the interviewer with a paper harrison she took out from under her hair.)

"OkayseeyoutomorrowBYE!" all 3 of them yelled aloud as the paced out of the building.


	10. Act 10: I LIVE FOR RIKU!

ACT 10: I LIVE FOR RIKU!

"Okay, once again I am here with the cast of the master work _The Director's Wizard of Oz _stage show. Here with us now is the actor who plays the Cowardly Lion..."

"THE KING LION!" (Sephiroth shouts off camera)

"Right, 'the King Lion', Sephiroth...um whatever his last name is."

"That's right."

"Now Sephiroth, how old are you?"

"Hey, how come this question wasn't asked The Director!"

"Um, because Ms. Director is an enigma in this fan fiction. Who will probably be explained sometime soon, because the writer is sick and tired of forgetting how to depict her."

"Oh... okay, then I'm...er..."

Sephiroth's face went pale and his eyes widened beyond belief.

"...I'm...40...?"

"Oh, well okay then, that's what we needed to kno–-----."

"I CAN'T BE 40! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! I'M STILL UNBELIEVABLY SEXY!"

"Um, please calm down" The Interviewer pleaded trying to keep him from killing anything.

(The Director walks by quickly pinching the back of Sephiroth's neck and he passes out.)

"Er...um...well, okay then. Let's talk to our next guest Mr. Cloud Strife, in the role of The Mighty Oz. Mr. Strife?" The interviewer said gesturing his hand for Cloud to take a seat.

"Yes, thank you for seeing me." Cloud said sitting in the folding chair.

"Okay, to start off, how old are you...?" The interviewer asked holding his notebook over his head to shelter it.

"I'm 29."

"Oh, well thank you. Next, how did you feel when the director first confronted you about the part?"

"Well, I was in the middle of a fight with Sephiroth because he traded off my baseball cards. But when Ms. Director got between us, we found out that she was the one who had them. So when she gave them back I agreed to be in the play."

"..." The interviewer was a little confused, "riiiight..."

"But, I'm kind of regretting it because she trashed my mini van..."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"I'm just glad she didn't get a hold of my motorcycle." Cloud said relieved.

(From outside)

"Hey, Cloud! I'm borrowing your motorcycle! I'll bring it back in 3 pieces–---I mean 3 hours!"

Cloud suddenly ran outside as the Director screeched off on his motorcycle and started chasing her with his Buster Sword.

"Okay, I guess that's the end of that interview! Up next we have 3 more guests, Mr. Sora, Mr. Riku, and Ms. Kairi."

"Hee hee, hello!" Kairi giggled

"Yo." Sora said giving them a peace sign, a bandage on his chin.

"Hey." Riku said casually.

"Um, Sora, why is your chin bandaged?"

Sora rubbed his chin gently, "Oh this? Director punched me when she found out that Aeris needed a smaller dress" ;

"Oh, yeah, you should've seen Kairi's face when he went through the roof again, she made a face like this: OO; It was so priceless!" Riku said laughing at the memory.

"So are Kairi and Sora an item?" the interviewer asked.

Sora and Kairi looked at each other for a moment then turned away blushing. They both said at once "N-no not really...I mean, I guess we kinda like each other but..."

Their little conversation with each other went on for a while, so the interviewer turned his attention to Riku.

"So, Riku, how about you? Do you have anyone special?"

Riku blushed a bit and lowered his head. He turned his head to Kairi.

"Oh, I see." the interviewer said sympathetically. "Well, maybe someone has special feelings for you."

"Oh no doubt."

"Oh, really? Who?"

Riku stood up and told the interviewer to look out the window. When Riku opened the curtains, millions of girls holding up 'I LIVE FOR RIKU' signs screamed at his sudden appearance.

"Oh, my GAWD! It's RIKU!" One of the many rabid fan girls shrieked.

"RIKU! RIKU! WE LOVE YOU RIKU!" all the girls started shrieking and shoving each other over to get to the window. Among them was the Director who was whacking all the competition out of the country with her golden harrison. She finally made it over and Riku saw that she was wearing a 'RIKU IS MY HUBBY!' shirt and a 'I LIVE FOR RIKU' hat.

"Hiya, Riku!" the Director said sounding flirtacious.

Riku shut the curtains and waked back to his seat where Sora and Kairi continued their 'I um, er well, you see...' conversation. The interviewer only had one thing to say before he ended the interview for the day: "Why am I alive?"


	11. Act 11: A Pirate's Life For Me!

ACT 11: A Pirate's Life For Me!

_Happy International Talk Like A Pirate Day!_

After 3 more days, the interviews were over and the very shaken interviewers were allowed to go home. And just in time too, because on Monday morning, the cast were horrified...

"Happy International Talk Like A Pirate Day! Arrgh!" The Director shouted on the backstage dressed in a complete pirate ensemble, complimented with a large earring and a painted on beard and mustache.

"'International Talk Like A Pirate Day?'" Aeris repeated.

"What are ya, a damn parrot?" The Director growled. Aeris backed down (I don't like Aeris...)

Sora walked out of his dressing room with eye shadow and a pirate outfit accompanied with a sword and a gold tooth.

"I see you got the memo!" The Director said excitedly and giddy.

"Hell yeah! International Talk Like A Pirate Day is my favorite day of the year!" Sora cheered.

"You know about this too, Sora?" Kairi and Riku asked in synch. Sora nodded frantically.

"I brought accessories for all o' us blithers! Argh!" The Director shouted to the cast as she took out a bag full of pirate gear. "And after ye all get into yer proper suits, we be goin' out to get some break-smartey! Argh!"

(Translation: After you get your pirate costumes on, I'm taking you out for breakfast at IHOP! Argh!)

As the cast read the translation I typed, Sora was the only one who understood her and yelled "AYE CAP'N!"

"Git going!" the Director yelled, "And ye all shall address me as 'Cap'n'! Or I be makin' ye walk th' plank!"

"Um...yes Ms. Director–." Kairi squeaked.

"CAP'N!"

"RIGHT! AYE, AYE CAP'N!" she yelled as they all scrambled off into their rooms to get dressed.

A few minutes later they all walked out in their costumes. Kairi was a common bar wench, Riku was an incredibly charming scallywag who looked surprisingly a lot like Jack Sparrow, Cloud really made the eye-shadow-on-a-guy look, with his dark brown false-leather hat, and Sephiroth wore a false-leather vest that completely showed off his 60 pack (the 10 fold version of a 6 pack XD) and wore knee-high black false-leather boots and a pirate's hat over his long flowing hair.

"Oh, wow, ye all look great! Let's be goin' t'IHOP!" the Cap'n ordered to her crew.

"Hey! I just remembered that I got a new car yesterday!" Riku announced ecstatic. "Can we take my car, Cap'n?"

"Aw, okies...but only 'cause ye called me 'Cap'n'...TO RIKU'S CAR!" The Cap'n shouted as she ran outside to greet the new Jaguar, "Daaaaaaamn! You still have all of your limbs after getting this hunk of pocket change?" Cloud gawked at Riku.

"Heh, yeah it was worth a pretty penny...but hey, I have my ways..."

(Flash back of Riku holding the Soul Eater blade to the dealer's throat.)

Riku sighed as he got into the driver's seat.

"I call shot-gun!" The Cap'n claimed as she hopped in next to him.

"Okay, is anyone carsick? I don't want anyone worshiping the porcelain god in my back seat!" Riku growled giving everyone fair warning.

They all shook their heads and he drove them off to IHOP. When they arrived 10 minutes later, they all hopped out of the Jag and walked in to see that everyone inside, even the crew, were all dressed as pirates!

Everyone smiled widely and shouted

"HAPPY INTERNATIONAL TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY!"


	12. Act 12: Dance to the Death

ACT 12: Dance 'Till You Can't Dance No More!

Riku was driving Kairi and Sora over to the studio, when they had met Cloud half way walking, sobbing too.

(Riku slowly comes to a stop next to Cloud)

"What's wrong, Cloud? Why are you walking? I thought you had a motorcycle?"

Cloud slowly turned his heavy blonde head toward Riku's car window and announced slowly. "Director got to my motorcycle too..."

"Hop in." Riku said sympathetically. Cloud got into the shot gun and thanked Riku. They drove to the studio.

(Later)

Everyone was in the studio getting ready for their next act, they only had a few hours till then so they hurried and got everything they needed. The Director was late as usual, and came crashing in through the door on her bike, with a back pack on.

"Hey everyone! I've got something fun for us all to do to pass the time since we have like, 5 hours."

"Okay! What is it?" Sora asked.

The Director opened her back and pulled out a giant blue box that said in weird silver letters 'PS2' along with a game that said 'DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION 6TH MIX'.

"_Oh gods, this is not going to end well..."_ Riku thought to himself.

"Let's dance!" The Director shouted.

Everyone set up the dance pads and PS2 and inserted the game. The blaring music began. The first ones up were Sephiroth and Cloud. They took off their shirts and dropped their huge swords. All the girls whistled and howled.

"AWOO!"

"WHOO! I'M BURNING UP!" Mainly Aeris and Kairi were making the noise.

"SHUT UP!" The beef cakes both shouted, blushing. They chose their song and tried to dance to the speedy beat, but ended up sucking majorly and were eventually booed of the dance pads. Next up was Sora and Riku. They chose Captain Jack, by...Captain Jack. They were surprisingly good, especially Sora, he got "perfects" and "greats" almost every time. They finished witha perfect and got a new record, which of course infuriated the Director, seeing as it was her record that was beaten. She stomped over and pushed Riku aside.

"I challenge you to a dance off, Sora!" she yelled aloud as she whacked Sora's face with the 400 page script.

After Sora regained his composure, he responded with "You're on!" and then whacked the Director with his rooster-like hair. The cast gasped. A Dance to the Death, this would most surely be.

Sora and The Director stepped onto their separate pads and chose the most difficult song on Heavy mode, Healing Vision Absolute Hatred Mix The music began and almost immediately they began pounding on the arrows.

Left.

Right.

Up.

Down.

Arrows going every which way imaginable, and still Sora and the Director kept up with the beat getting perfects and sometimes greats on all the combos and steps.

3 hours passed and they were still going evenly matched. Most of the cast were still watching them never passing a glance away. However a few of the cast (namely Kairi and Aeris) were passed out on the floor. A few minutes later, the music stopped, and Sora nd the Director collapsed drenched in sweat. They both got the same score.

"Omg! Director! Sora!" Riku yelled running over to them along with Sephiroth, Cloud and Ansem.

"We're...alright..." The Director gasped.

"Whoo, you're...a great...opponent...Director..." Sora huffed.

"Same, to...you..." They both passed out on the floor.


	13. Act 13: Say What!

ACT 13: Say What!

"We're here to see the Wizard please!" Kairi/Dorothy asked some lackey dressed in a green tux sticking his head out of a round hole in a big green door.

"Man, this weird ol' wizard guy must really have a thing fer green..." Sora/Scarecrow pointed out.

(Sephiroth started crying again)

"This place is scary, c'mon guys! Let's leave while we still can!" Cried Sephiroth/Lion.

"Don't say that, you coward! We still hafta get Dorothy back home!" Riku/Tin Man yelled.

"Yes, and don't you want to get some cour—." (A Heartless flies across the stage followed by the Director with her Key Blade)

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

There was a rather long pause between everyone.

Sora decided to speak up, "Did you see..."

"Nope" Riku answered.

"Okay."

They continued...

(3 hours later, the performance ended)

(Intercom)

"_Thank you for attending tonight's performance, we hope you enjoyed yourselves, please throw away all garbage in a trash receptacle on your way out and have a silent night and a pleasant morning. Now GET OUT!"_

The audience did as the random voice said and left. The cast went behind the curtains after bowing and what-not to see the Director and, one of the many Heartless in the room, dueling each other.

"Director!" Sora yelled.

"Yeeees?" The Director purred easily running the Heartless through with her Key Blade.

"Where did all of these Heartless come from?" Riku asked.

"The first one that I knocked across the stage came out of Kairi's dressing room, when I went in there, it was trying on her dresses."

"That thing was trying on MY dresses!" Kairi shrieked.

"So? I've seen Cloud try on your dresses..."

(Cloud slaps his hand over the Director's mouth)

"LIES! I was only doing it so I could get into a harem," Cloud paused as everyone gave him the weirdest looks of shock, "It's not like that! I was rescuing my girlfriend, Tifa! Wait..." he turned to Aeris who was running out of the room crying. ((Mwahahaha...))

"Cloud...wears...dresses...?" Sephiroth snickered.

"No...it's...not...it's..." Cloud runs away crying.

"Well that was weird..." The Director said massaging her jaw.

"Yeah, but I caught it all on tape!" Sora cheered, "Let's go watch it again!"

"YAY!" Everyone yelled happily, following Sora into the snack room. All of them forgetting that there were about 50 Heartless still loose in the studio.

(A Heartless looks around)

"Hey, guys, that silver-haired kid got a new 'Stang, let's take it for a joy ride..."


	14. Act 14: One Jacked Up Halloween

Act 14: One Jacked Up Halloween

_Yeah, I know this is really late and I'm sorry for disappearing again, but I can't go without a Halloween thing, so...enjoy!_

Prologue

One dark, dark night through the mist and smog, surrounded by ghosts, vampires, goblins, and rabid fans (Ooh! Scary!) rested studio 13. Old and broken down, for a long while, it had been abandoned, emptied after the most loved actress of studio 13 mysteriously died one late Fall's day. October 31st...

(The door of the Studio burst open and mist poured in through the opening, and out came a familiar tune...The Phantom of the Opera)

"Happy Halloween!" Director greeted.

"What are you supposed to be?" Sephiroth spat.

"You uncultured swine! It is I! Erik! The Phantom of the Opera!"

"ERIK!" The girls of the cast squealed, "Omg! Director! Your Erik costume is incredible!" They gathered around her/him admiringly.

"What's it made out of–-?"

(Riku's dressing room door burst open and out stepped a white figure with big brown hair)

"You are SOOOOO paying me extra for this!" Riku shouted angrily, at the moment dressed as the lovely Christine Daae. Sephiroth, Sora, Cloud and the rest of the male cast fell over laughing.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's truly terrifying!"

"I can't breathe! I can't–!"

"I'm gonna pee my pants! AHAHAHA!"

Riku started blushing and took out his Soul Eater and slowly walked over to them.

"I'LL SHOW YOU SOMETHING TERRIFYING!" He yelled swinging his sword down. Director/Erik caught him in a hug before he could hit them.

"Oh, Christine! You look adorable!"

"Spine...crunching...!"

(Director/Erik starts spinning around with Riku/Christine in her arms)

"WE'RE GONNA GO GET OUR COSTUMES ON TOO!" The girls squealed as they ran to their dressing rooms.

"Yay! I just love Halloween!" Director/Erik cheered.

"Yeah...me too...please let me go..." Riku/Christine gasped.

"Oops! Sorry Christine..." She said dropping Riku/Christine to the floor.

The girls and some guys ran out into the main room with their costumes on, everything you could imagine. Hobos, vampires, cows, devils, zombies, demons, pirates, ninjas, knights, witches, princesses and even a laundry basket. xD

"Since this is Halloween, let's go hit a few haunted houses or something!" Kairi suggested applying her black lipstick for her witch costume.

"Oh, please..." Sephiroth sighed, greasing his long hair back and spray painting it black, for his vampire costume. "those kiddy attractions? They couldn't scare the pants off Cloud, and he's afraid of what looms in his underwear drawers!" he said as he put in his fangs.

"I'd be afraid too..." Sora chuckled, in his hobo outfit.

"Shut up" Cloud growled.

"I know! Let's go to Studio 13!" Ansem yelled over everyone else. Suddenly the room went silent.

"Studio 13? Are you insane? That place is cursed! We'd die for sure!" Cloud argued.

"That..." the Director/Erik started.

"He's right! No one has gone in there for years! They say the ghost of the actress still looms there!"

"Sounds..."

Kairi turned to Director/Erik and asked "Something wrong, Miss. Director?"

"GREAT! What a great idea, Ansem! That will truly be Halloween! Let's go!" Director/Erik smiled as she ran outside and headed West.

The cast exchanged looks.

"I ain't going..." Sephiroth said sternly.

"But..." Kairi whispered, and turned toward the door, "Wait up Miss Director!"

"Kairi! Wait!" Sora yelled and ran after. Riku grumbled and ran after holding up dress with one hand and holding his wig with the other.

"Oh, great...Now it's just us..." Cloud moaned.

"And...?" Sephiroth snapped.

"I shall go with them..." Ansem announced as he slowly walked out the door with his knight's armor clanking loudly.

"Hey, has anyone seen Aeris around? I haven't seen her all day." Cloud asked Sephiroth.

"Does it look like I care? She's on my hit list anyway..."

"You say something?"

"Let's go with them."

"What happened to Halloween being for kids, Seph?"

"Shut up." Sephiroth ordered and ran out.

When Sephiroth and Cloud made it to Studio 13, everyone had already gone it.

"Dammit." Sephiroth growled as he stalked inside. Cloud followed.

"It's not scary in here, it's just filthy..."

"Yeah..." Cloud said wearily.

(The sound of a woman quietly crying surrounds them.)

"Wha? Who's there?"

"_Don't leave, stay with me..."_

"THAT'S IT! I'M LEAVING!" Sephiroth shouted pacing toward the door, when suddenly, it slammed shut.

Cloud started to breathe heavily, "That voice, it sounds so familiar..."

"Forget about that Cloud! We need to find Director!" Sephiroth yelled at Cloud, and ran in front of him into a different room.

(The shriek of a young woman comes out from the room Sephiroth just went into)

"SEPHIROTH!" Cloud gasped, running into the room where the scream came from, and ran into the Director/Erik.

"Cloud!"

"Director!"

"God! You scared the mask off of me!"

"Sorry! I heard Sephiroth scream, and I came in to see what had happened to him so I could take pictures— ow." (Sephiroth had hit Cloud over the head with a wood plank.)

"I didin't scream, you stupid ass."

"Oh, that was me...Sephiroth crashed into me and I thought that a vampire was trying to bite me so I hit him with a wood plank, like he just did to you!" the Director/Erik smiled.

"Oh, I see..."

"Well, at least my costume was convincing..." Sephiroth said rubbing the bloody mark on his forehead.

"Sorry." Director/Erik said, "Anyway, let's go find the ghost!"

"_Cloud...stay with me...don't leave me alone..."_

"What?" Cloud asked the room.

"'What' what, Cloud?" Riku asked.

"Did you guys just here something?"

"Like what?" Ansem asked.

"No-nothing..." Cloud said and continued walking behind the group.

_Okay, since it look as though this act is gonna be really long, I'll conitinue it later, hope you liked the first part! Bye!_


	15. Act 15: One Jacked up Halloween Part 2

Act 15: One Jacked Up Halloween- Part 2

Director/Erik had weaseled her way into a room that was blockaded by several props and wood stacks, to investigate a sound they had heard within.

"See anything?" Riku asked.

"Nope, hold on, someone give me a flashlight." Director/Erik said.

(Sephiroth hands over his light)

Director/Erik took hold of it and turned it on, suddenly the door slammed shut and a loud scream came from the room.

"DIRECTOR!" Everyone screamed. Riku, Sora, Cloud and Sephiroth went up to the door and started banging on it.

"Director! Director! What happened!"

(A loud thump sent them away from the door startled.)

"Move." Ansem ordered and he summoned his Guardian to tear the door off. Everyone ran inside to see...nothing.

"Wh-where did she go?" Kairi asked everyone.

"She...disappeared..." Cloud said in disbelief.

(The sound of a ghostly scream surrounds the cast)

"Wh-what do we do now? Director is gone...what can we do?"

"Okay. This is no time to panic..." Cloud stated as a white figure slowly appeared behind him.

The casts' jaws dropped.

"C-C-Cl-Cl-Cloud!" Kairi shrieked pointing to the figure behind him.

"What?" He slowly turned around to be face to face with the ghost, and then it vanished.

Cloud paused for a moment and turned back around.

"Okay...start panicking..."

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Sora yelled running around in circles with his hands straight up.

Everyone started running around like Sora, and stopped when Cloud heard someone loudly calling his name.

"Cloud! Cloud!" a girl's voice called. Cloud looked everywhere but could not find who called him.

"Up there Cloud!" Kairi pointed up to the rafters.

"Tifa!"

"Yeah! Wait! I'll come to you!" The girl in the super short mini-skirt yelled as she leapt off the rafters.

"YIKES!" Cloud gasped as he ran to catch her.

"Thanks, Cloud" D she chirped as she landed in his arms.

"Why are you here?" He asked.

"I know who's causing this mess, Cloud."

"Yeah, us too..."

"Really?"

(Ansem cuts in)

"This is clearly the work of a ghostly siren who has the ability to command MY Heartless..."

"No..."

"Oh?"

"It was..."

"_STOP! STOP IT, STOP IT! Leave him alone!" _The woman's voice whom they had heard the first time they came in.

"Who's there!" Sephiroth yelled.

"_He is mine...stop trying to take him from me!"_

"Would you stop it A–."

"_SHUT UP! You may have known him your whole life, but he and I..."_

"Oh, I've had enough of this..." Tifa growled, and kicked an old wall down that was behind her to reveal...Aeris!

"AERIS!" Everyone gasped, shocked.

"_No! No! Pay no attention to that woman behind the broken down wall!"_

"Aeris...why?" Cloud asked.

"..." she hesitated, "Alright! I admit it! It was me!"

"But why?"

"Because, that...wench!" She pointed to Tifa, "Stole you from me! So I came up with the plan to trick you all here, including her, and make you stay with me and dispose of HER as well! It would've been perfect! I used the old legend of this studio and used the ghost's character to complete it all..."

"Question!" Kairi said raising her hand.

"What is it?"

"How would scaring Cloud to death make him want to stay here?"

"...Well..."

"And where did Director go?"

"Hold on...I..."

"And how did you get the ghost hologram to appear with such crappy equipment?"

"Wait a sec, will ya—Wait...what ghost hologram?" Aeris stopped.

The cast turned pale. And stood there silently...

(The cast runs out of the studio screaming)

"_Have they left Miss Director...?"_ a quiet soothing voice came from the top floor where the Director/Erik was.

"Yes, thank you for the great Halloween scare, Miss Lenne. I'm sure they'll never forget it."

"_Of course, dear...it was very entertaining, the first fun thing I've done in a very long time..."_

Director/Erik turned to the ghostly figure who was none other than FFX-2's Lenne! And gave her a hug, and left the scene.

"_Good luck with your play Miss Director..."_

She stopped and smiled. "Happy Halloween."


	16. Act 16: The Nightmare Before Christmas

Act 16: The Nightmare Before Christmas

_I don't own The Nightmare Before Christmas...what are you talking about? WHO ARE YOU!_

"'Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems, in a place that perhaps you've seen in your dreams...for the story that you are about to be told, took place in the holiday worlds of old, now you've probably wondered where holidays come from, if you haven't I'd say it's time you begun..."

(Sephiroth whacks the back of Director's head)

"STOP QUOTING THE MOVIE!"

"I can't help it! I must! The holiday spirit is rising within me and will soon burst if I don't let it out willingly! It is my uncontrollable nature!"

"I don't care if it's your uncontrollable A.D.D! You've been quoting The Nightmare Before Christmas and singing Christmas carols for 8 weeks STRAIGHT!"

"But Sephers!"

"DON'T CALL ME 'SEPHERS'!"

"But Sephers...!"

(Sephiroth slaps his forehead)

"If you let me unleash my holiday spirit, you'll get a gift you're bound to love!"

"A gift you say..." Sephiroth ponders putting his hand to his chin.

"Liiiiike...a new Masamune?"

"Maaaaaaaaaaybe..."

"Okay, you can continue with your Christmas high jinks." Sephiroth smiled and patted Director on the head.

"Wheeeeeeee!" the Director squealed as she jumped up and suddenly poofed and was in a Santa outfit.

"Hooooooooooooooohhh...hoooooooh HO!" The director shouted as she leapt out of the second story window. (Splat)

"DIRECTOR!" Riku shouted in surprise when the Director landing face first onto the hood of his car.

"H-hi Riku..." The Director said dazed with anime swirly eyes.

(The Editor and Producer poof next to the Director in feminine elf suits.)

"Hey, Director, we brought the presents for the cast." The Editor smiled, as the Producer pulled out several boxes wrapped in shiny green paper with red ribbons beautifully caressing them. The cast's faces lit up and they ran over to the three on top of Riku's car as fast as they could.

"Where's mine?"

"What about me?"

"What did I get?"

They all shouted excitedly at the elves holding the gifts and the unconscious Santa laying face down in a dent in Riku's car.

"Why are you handing out gifts this early?" Kairi asked from the front.

The Director lifted her bloody face up and said slowly, "The Producer, Editor and I are going to distribute gifts to all the good children of the planet, and give coal to the bad ones..."

"Wait! You mean...YOU'RE the real Santa Claus! And the Producer and Editor are real elves!"

"Yup!" The Editor said cheerfully as she handed out the gifts to the right people.

(The Producer looks at a tag on a bright pink vase with it's contents covered.)

"Aeris Gainsborough?" The Producer called.

"That's me!" Aeris called out from next to Cloud and Tifa. She ran up to the Producer and took the vase and tore open the paper on top that was covering the flowers. "Gasp! Flowers...Callalilies?" she said softly, "But...who're they from?" she asked herself looking to the tag. It read _"The One-Winged Angel..."_

She looked toward Sephiroth with tears in her eyes. He had just gotten his new Masamune and was actually _kissing _the unconscious Director on the cheeks over and over again. (Not for love mind you, it's like when someone's extremely happy they bump cheeks with someone, that's called 'kissing')

"I can finally do what I've wanted to do for so long!"

(Aeris smashes the lily pot on top of Sephiroth's head and runs away crying.)

"OW! WHAT THE EFFING HELL WAS THAT FOR?" Sephiroth yelled at the top of his voice. He bent down and picked up one of the lilies. "Who. Did. This?" he spoke quietly but menacing as a snake's hiss.

(The cast stays silent as they watch the now steaming Sephiroth ask his question)

"WHO DID THIS! I'LL MURDER THE SORRY CRETON WITH MY NEW SHINY SWORD!"

"Yeah, Seph, that's really supposed to make us want to tell you."

(The Director gets up and checks her sun dial)

"Bloody hell, is that the time! We gotta get going! Those presents won't wrap themselves!" the Director announced as she leapt down from Riku's now smashed up car.

"HOLD IT!" A loud thundering voice rained down.

"Who's that!" Sora gasped.

"Uh oh..." the Director muttered.

A large red figure in a green sleigh landed in the front of the studio stopping the trio in their tracks.

"YOU IMPOSTERS!" the red cloaked man pointed a finger at them.

"Who's he?" Tifa whispered to Cloud.

"I dunno...I've never seen a man with a white beard as big as that..."

"He's dressed in a Santa outfit..." Riku pointed out.

"YOU FOOLS! I am the REAL Santa Claus! This imposter (points to the Director) tied me up and stole my gifts and the suit from when I was 7!"

"What? Are you saying that you're Santa Claus? But you're so old!" Sora yelled in outrage.

"Since when was Santa Claus a girl, Sora!" The man claiming to be Santa asked in a commanding voice.

"How did you know my name was Sora?"

"I can see everything, I saw your parents write your name down. I AM SANTA CLAUS!"

"You saw when I was born? Then please sir, tell me a question I've always wanted to know..."

"What is it son?"

"What's my last name!"

"Do you really want to have to live with your last name? I'll give a choice to either keep your last name or go without one forever..."

"Tell me!"

"Your name...is...Sora Seymour Butts Johnson III."

". . ."

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I CAN'T BREATHE!" The cast and friends shouted in painful laughter.

"I'll stick with Sora...thanks."

"But anyway. Why would the Director have kidnaped Santa's belongings and claimed she was Santa?" Tifa asked.

"Alright...that's enough...my friends. This is the real Santa Claus. I lied."

"But...why?"

"BECAUSE I'M INSANE! WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST GUESS!"

The cast and Santa Claus all laughed randomly.

THE END!


	17. Act 17: Pantavoice!

Act 17: Pantavoice!

_OHMIGAWD! I know what you're thinking! "She must have abandoned her brilliant story, it was so good, why, oh why did she stop? It was the only thing I lived for...! AAAANGST! -emo- But, no! I have not abandoned it! Even though it's been months, I am going to pick up where I left off! Only not..._ -shifty eyes-

Thousands upon thousands of minutes fly by, almost 2 years. The Director along with her friends The Editor and The Producer are 15-years-old, now. Riku is 17, Sora and Kairi have officially started dating at the ages of 16. Tifa and Cloud have been married for a year and a half. And Sephiroth is still plotting to kill Aeris...again. Ansem, former seeker of darkness has decided to take a nice, calm life as a lawyer, (he's still trying to keep near the darkness, you see.) And there has been a new twist put on the play. Due to popular demand... The Wizard of Oz is now... BROADWAY! -le gasp-

The Director walked in. She wasn't any taller, still just above 5 feet. Her hair was considerably shorter and she had taken a liking to a heavy, green jacket even though it was the middle of summer.

Kairi ran up to the Director, a wide smile on her face. She was slightly taller than The Director, by about 3 inches or so, her hair was about the length of the Director's now. Slightly longer. She was in her Dorothy costume, a blue frilly dress. A small dog followed behind her. She greeted the Director and handed her a large, rectangular ice cream with a slightly blueish color.

"What is it?"

"Just try it!" she smiled, "Trust me!"

The Director popped the popsicle into her mouth and spat, "SALTY!" xP, then paused and smiled, popping it back into her mouth, "Sweet!" she then spat again with a smile, "Salty AND sweet!" she squealed, "Kairi, this tastes great! What is it and where'd you get it?"

"From Sora! I thought you could use some snacks before the performance begins. Oh! And could you see if my voice sounds good? My throat is kind of sore..."

"Okay, just start when you're ready." she popped the ice cream in her mouth again and winced a little.

"_I can finally meet the Wizard to make my dreams come tru—." _Kairi coughed a little and put her hand to her throat.

"What is it?"

Kairi opened her mouth to speak but all that came out was a squeak. "Ah—."

"Wha...?"

"Ah—."

Sora and Riku walked in, casually talking. Riku was towering over Sora, he was probably over 6 feet now, compared to Sora's 5'8"½ . His hair was much longer, though you couldn't see it very well underneath the tin hat resting on his hair. His bangs were in his eyes, though. Sora didn't look very different, he was taller for sure. But his hair had change little. Though a slightly lighter shade of brown. But, still as spikey as ever. They looked up to the Director and Kairi a little confused. Kairi looked nervous and the Director was enamoured with Riku as usual, only she had a melting popsicle hanging out of her mouth.

She took it out of her mouth and licked the dripping parts, then walked up to the boys with Kairi. The Director put Kairi in front of Riku and Sora and spoke.

"Hey, something's wrong with Kairi's voice."

Sora put his hand to his chin.

"Well, she did say something about her throat hurting..."

"Well, why didn't you TELL ME?" the Director growled.

"Gah! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I thought she was tired, have mercy on meeeee!" Sora pleaded, cringing in front of the Director as her eyes glowed all creepy and anime-like.

"Director, I think she has bronchitis."

The Director gasped and turned to Kairi teary-eyed, "Kairi, Kairi! Can you still see me!" she shook Kairi by the shoulders, sobbing. "You can't go blind, now! You won't be able to read your liiiiiiinessss!"

". . ." Riku paused, a little dumbfounded, "Bronchitisis an infection in your _throat, _Director..."

Kairi's head fell back, almost limp as she squeaked again. "Uh—."

"Oh, well. That shouldn't be too bad, she'll be better by the time the performance starts, right?"

"..."

"What?"

"More like in a week..."

"..."

"Ms. Director?" Sora asked cautiously.

"..."

"Director, calm down..." Riku tried to stop what was coming.

"W-WHAT! WHO'S GOING TO PLAY DOROTHY? KAIRI IS THE ONLY ONE FITTED FOR THE PART! ER VOICE WAS PERFECT! AND NOW IT'S GONE!"

"Ms. Director!"

"Director!"

"Ah—!"

The Director dropped to her knees, "DAMN THEE ACCURSED WHALE! FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL, I STAB AT THEE!"

The entire group "..."-ed.

From behind the sobbing playwright came Tifa and Cloud. Tifa looked up at Riku, Sora and Kairi and sighed, "What happened this time?"

"Kairi lost her voice." Sora explained.

"Oh, that's no big deal!"

The crowd gasped and Cloud covered Tifa's mouth, "Do you realize that you have just condemned us ALL!"

Tifa chuckled and removed Cloud's hand from her mouth and kneeled down to the Director, who was now silent. "Little Director, I have an idea." The Director looked up at Tifa, tears dripping down her cheeks and even though she wore no make-up, it appeared that there was eyeliner running from her eyes. She sniffled and then, the ten minute role called.

-10minutesgobylikeWHOOSHandanamazingplanwasformedandeverythingworkedout-

"Mr. Fluffleluffels! Get over here!" the Director shouted, chasing the small black dog acting as Toto. Kairi was standing in the middle of the stage. She had never been so nervous in her life. She had done hundreds of shows like this in the passed 3 years, but the doubt in her mind that Tifa's plan would fail was all but present.

She looked up behind the curtain toward the ropes and hangers up toward the Director and Tifa who were aloft. They smiled and gave her a thumbs up. She smiled sheepishly back.

Tifa was wearing some small headphones with a microphone attached. Like those lip synching pop idols do on stage.

The curtains lifted and the musical began. Sora and Riku along with Sephiroth— (Sephy: Wait! Why did I make my first appearance NOW? AND DON'T CALL ME "SEPHY"!) Were at the shaken Dorothy's side.

(Intercom)

_Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for attending the 3-year anniversary of Ms. Director's masterpiece "The Wizard of Oz"! Now presented to you on Broadway!_

(The audience applauds)

Kairi opened her mouth and lipped her lines, knowing that something bad would happen, but then, a sultry voice sang the lyrics of the play, _"I can finally meet the Wizard to make my dreams come true_

_And Tin Man,_

_Scarecrow,_

_Lion_

_Can get their wishes too_

_We shall all go hand in hand _

_In our merry band_

_To save ourselves from the Wicked one..._

_So"_

All four of them joined with the voice now,

"_We're off to see the Wizard!_

_The Wonderful Wizard of Oz!_

_We hear he is the wizarful wiz that ever a wiz there was!_

_And ever a wonderful wiz there was_

_The Wizard of Oz is one because,_

_Because- because- because- because- becaaaauuuuse!_

_Because of the wonderful things he does!_

_We're off to see the Wizard!_

_The Wonderful Wizard of Ooooooooooooooooz"_

A few hours later an intermission was called.

Kairi, Sora, Riku, Sephiroth, Aeris, Ansem and Cloud ran behind the curtains to meet the Director and Tifa.

"Ms. Director! What happened, who did the singing?" Cloud asked, amazed. Tifa walked out from behind the Director panting.

"You?"

She nodded.

Kairi smiled, "Thank you so much!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Kairi peeped, "Uh, oh, I guess I got my voice back! What do you think of that, Ms. Direct—?"

(The Director whips out her golden harrison)

"Start running..."

"Right... AAAAAH!"


End file.
